When I was young, I had a strange habit of chewing my food equally as many times on either side of my mouth before swallowing. I attribute this bizarre custom to a story that was once told to me by a very old Irish nun. Before primary school, I had a lost year where my mother was transferred to a new job and I was not happy with the kindergarten I was going to. Nobody knew what to do with me so I went to a roman catholic convent where they had a zero year. It was a peculiar year where I learned to write in phonetics which I promptly had to unlearn the following year when I went to yet another school, but that is by the by. What the wise Sr. Anne of Dublin had tried convey to me with absolute gravity was that in life we should always pretend that there is an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other. The devil is always trying to tempt us and the angel is always trying to guide us in the right direction. I believe this story was intended as an analogy between our daily choices between good and evil but at that age; I did not have the maturity to comprehend it as an analogy. I was a very thoughtful child and used to take everything that I was told literally. I genuinely proceeded with this experiment with the best of intentions and always tried to make the choices that the angel would agree with. My problem came at eating time…. How could I deny the devil his share of the food? It is one thing to be cast out of heaven and condemned to life in the mythical underworld but a man’s got to eat right?
I thought of this analogy and my literal interpretation of it when reading Capital Punters resignation on Friday. I was distraught to say the least. Having only recently arrived in the blogosphere, and having only discovered the blog of Capital Punter about three months ago. I found myself living off his daily posts. Mostly reading in disbelief as he wrote about his experiences and thoughts of life as a hobbyist living in London. The man was so articulate, so erudite and yet wrote with the highest regard for his female companions and friends. Initially, I was skeptical and felt there had to be catch. Maybe he had set up his site in order to build an audience for future advertising, but this turned out not to be the case. He wrote with such sensitivity to the female perspective that sometimes I thought he might actually be a woman generating her own propaganda but this also turned out to be a false lead. In contrast to the many discussions I have seen in forums with utter disregard and disrespect to the women involved, people like Capital Punter do exist everywhere but none write about their thoughts, feelings or experiences. The general guideline although not always the rule is, the more articulate and educated the man, the higher his status and proportionately the greater his reputational risk. Therefore the best hobbyists are not the ones who speak out and write on forums, they are the most silent and operate completely beneath the radar. Capital Punter and his blog was a rare, exceptional case and his existence pleased me immensely if only to prove that not all men in this game are bastards and not all women are whores as most outsiders would assume.
In Capital Punters resignation post, he explains his disillusionment and reasons for terminating his blog. I will not attempt to interpret his post, if you are curious to read it here it is…. http://www.capitalpunterblog.com/end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it/
What it brought to mind was the many good men I have met over the years, men who have wonderful families, responsible jobs, men with the highest standards in ethics and conduct, men who feel a sense of responsibility and duty towards their loved ones and in general have no reason to stray other than occasionally they have the urge to sow their oats somewhere where the grass is greener and not necessarily always greener, just different maybe.
It also brought to mind the many women I have spoken to, women with dreams and ambitions, single women with children who would like to send them to private school, women who ended up divorced and destitute and many other women who simply refused to take circumstances lying down and chose to intervene by whatever means necessary.
Fundamentally we are all human and by and large we are all good people so what is the differentiation between us and the rest of society. What is the special ingredient that makes us so baaaad. Honestly, nothing. The gentleman who isn’t seeing a companion, nine times out of ten is shagging his secretary or somebody else. Chances are they are being less discrete, taking more health risks and playing Russian roulette with their lives, families, wives and jobs. What’s the difference between us and them? None, except in this instance the secretary is obviously getting ripped off.
The trouble is that society has advanced itself so much. We were all raised to believe that we are unique individuals, somehow special; the “I” takes precedence over the “we” and sometimes we falter on the path of choosing the unanimous good. Sometimes pleasing the “I” is in the interests of the collective good. What do they say on the airplane when you board? In case of emergency, pull down your oxygen mask and secure it before attempting to assist any of the other passengers.
As rational, educated beings we sometimes forget that we are also base, instinctive creatures who from time to time have to respond to the call of nature. There are mature ways of dealing with it and there are immature ways of dealing with it. Should we have evolved beyond our need to procreate by now? Yes, absolutely. Will this ever happen? No. The reason is that humanity has no future without sex and our genes have no continuity if not for sex. So sexuality is never going to devolve to our low priority list. Is the world overpopulated? Yes. Is this going to stop us from having sex? No. At least the people seeking out arrangements are having safe sex which means were doing our bit for global overpopulation.
Regardless, I digress. What I am saying is that I identify with the inner turmoil and conflict experienced by Capital Punter and I have witnessed it many times with some of the gentleman I see. Paying for companionship can be a very vacant and disappointing exercise, especially to those with content. I am not making any justification for what we do. All I am saying is that if this is what you are going to do this would be the least destructive way of going about it. I don’t mean to suggest that it is not destructive at all. Most men classify it in their minds as the lesser of all evils, but what happens after you’ve entertained all of you fantasies and fetishes. A period of disillusionment. A time of questioning where we look back and ask ourselves was that the be all and end all of everything? No it wasn’t. It was simply an exorcism of prehistoric demons or a need for company at the time and now that it’s done we’re sort of befuddled as to why it seemed so urgent.
The greatest value you can extract from this lifestyle is the friends and laughter along the way. None of it is serious or deeply meaningful and if you look for meaning in this sort of activity you are going to be disappointed. It’s a moment in time and if you’re lucky, a happy memory to reflect on one day. All hobbyists and companions are people. People who love people, people with responsibilities, people with another deeper aspect to their personality, soul and character besides how they behave in a stolen hour or two from the real world.
It all seems a bit silly in hindsight but oh well. My rationale and experience say that every time I go out into the world and try to start a real business, I end up losing a ton of money. My deductive (excuse the pun) powers tell me that as long as this recession lasts it is literally cheaper for me to stay in bed and if I can find a way to earn a living whilst in it, all the better. My justification to myself is that if I don’t do it another girl will and why should she have all the fun? Even as the safe and familiar crumbles around me, names change, people change it’s not my time to leave yet. I still have a mission to accomplish and demons to exercise. (OMG I’m so punny tonight.)
But seriously, this is not a punny/funny subject. The London escort underground and the entire blogosphere has lost one of its greatest contributors. There was only one person out there portraying us with humanity and dignity and for whatever reason, he is now lost to the other side.
Farewell Capital Punter, thank you for baring your soul